People have occasionally asked if they can use this script - and the answer is 'yes', so long as you credit Ellington as its compilers at any performances. But please don't republish the script. It comes from a number of traditional sources (with the really odd bits removed), put together by Chris Thorn.
Characters: Prologue (PL) Molly (M) Father Christmas (FX) Turkish Knight (TK) St George (SG) Doctor (D) Horse Jack Finney (JF) Beelzebub (B) PL: Ladies and Gentlemen, please do stay And join us in our mummers' play, Which shows how summer's fertile breath Is choked by winter, but the death Is overcome by spring. Please now inspect our ring Of characters. Bad Turkish Knight Will with our good St George give fight To dress their wounds we have of course Our Doctor with his wondrous horse And, ever ready to assist, Jack Finney. Here is Father Christ- -mas, and to make us room, Come forth good Molly with your broom. M: Room, room, brave gallants all, Pray give us room to rhyme! We come to show you activity This merry Christmas time. Activity of youth, activity of age; I will show you such activity that was never acted upon a common stage. And if you don't believe what I say, Step in Father Christmas and clear the way. FX: In comes I, bold Father Christmas; welcome or welcome not, I hope old Father Christmas will never be forgot. I am not here to laugh or cheer But to beg your money and sup your beer. If your Christmas beer's all done Then we are here to have a little fun And if you think our fun is right Then I call in the Turkish Knight. TK: In comes I, bold Turkish Knight; From Turkeyland I come to fight. First I fought in England, Then I fought in Spain Now I'm back in England to fight St George again. If I could find St George in here I'd stick my spear in through his ear; I'd beat him and bale him and cut him in slices Then send him to the chip shop to make mince picies. FX: Bold talk, my son, bold talk I'm sure For St George is coming through the door! SG: In comes I, St George, that man of courage bold With my broadsword in my hand I won Ten thousand pounds in gold. 'Twas I that fought the fiery dragon And brought him to the slaughter And by those same noble deeds I won The King of Egypt's daughter. Stand off thou Turkish dog, and let not word be said, For if I draw my sword on thee I'll surely crack thy head! TK: How can you crack my head? My head is made of cannonballs; my body's made of steel; My arms and legs of first-class brass: I challenge you to feel! SG: Ah my little fellow thou talk'st so bold Like a good many more, as I've been told. Pull out thy rusty rapier; pull out thy purse and pay, For satisfaction I will have before I go away. TK: My sword it is already drawn; no money will I pay And satisfaction I will have before I go away. SG: A battle, a battle I'll give to thee To punish all thy villainy! TK: A battle, a battle I shall give To see which one of us shall live! They fight - St George is clearly the better, but is stabbed in the back - the result of a mean trick. M: Oh!!!! Oh!!!! Is there a doctor to be found To cure this deep and deadly wound? (Make it rhyme) Is there a doctor near at hand To heal and make this dead man stand? D: Oh yes, there's a doctor to be found (foond) To cure this deep and deadly wound. FC: How came you to be a doctor? D: By my travels. FX: And how far have you travelled? D: Pinkney's Green, Cookham Dean, Little Marlow too; Thrice round the world and back to you. FX: And what can you cure? D: The itch, the stitch, the palsy and the gout; The pains within and the pains without. All: Without what? FX: What will you cure this poor man for? D: Ten pounds if he's rich; only nine if he's poor. FX: He's very poor. D: Eight fifty! FX: Do your work! D: Where's Jack? Where's Jack? WHERE'S JACK? JF: My name's not Jack; It's MISTER Jack Finney. D: The hold my horse, Mister Jack Finney. JF: Will he bite? D: No. JF: Will he kick? D: No. JF: Will he take two to hold him? D: No. JF: (sotto voce) Then hold him yourself. D: What was that? JF: I've got him fast by the tail, Sir. D: Then take him and rub him down well ...especially underneath. JF: (sotto voce) That's what you think. D: What was that? JF: I'm doing it right away, Sir. D: Ladies and Gentlemen, in this bold knight's head There grows a great wolf's tooth. He must stay dead Until I can remove it. Jack, my bag! JF: I didn't hear him. D: What was that? JF: I'm coming right away, Sir. With the help of many tools and the company, the doctor removes the tooth. D: This knight does need some pills! Jack, bring my pills! JF: I'll rot first! D: What was that? JF: Here they are. Just what the doctor ordered. The doctor gives St George a pill. He does not budge. FX: You are nothing but a useless quack! D: Be patient: The longer the cure, the greater the fee! I have here a little bottle of elecampane; One drop on his mouth and he'll be well again. St George is revived. The rest of the company collapse and get the cure, save Father Christmas, who is given an inferior brew which is less successful. D: Such is the power of my elecampane That these knights are revived and can fight again. The knights fight anew, but are broken up by Father Christmas. FX: Peace! Peace! Walk in Beelzebub! B: In comes I, Beelzebub And over my shoulder I carry a club And in my hand a dripping pan; Don't you think I'm a jolly old man? Ladies and Gentlemen, even so bold As to eat plum pudding before it's half cold, My pan is dumb, it cannot spake: Please put something in it for St George's sake. For now our play is nearly through; I call on Molly to bid adieu. M: Here's Molly without a doubt If you don't give me money I'll sweep you all out! Money I want and its money I crave; If you don't give me money I'll sweep you all to the grave. Ladies and Gentlemen, since our sport is ended, Our box must now be recommended. Our box would speak if it had a tongue; Nine or ten shillings would do it no harm, All silver and no brass! The whole company parade, singing. We wish you a merry Christmas, We wish you a merry Christmas, We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year. Glad tidings we bring to you and your kin; We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year.